Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Now it's 1:00am
It's cold but the window must be open. Bubble wrap forever. This pillow is far superior to that one. What if mom died? Metric has some really good songs. Why the chai tea so late? I think he thought I was being sarcastic. Breakfast will be nice. Woah, she really gained weight. I could just be a construction worker. I really want to watch Titanic. This land is your land, this land is my land! Wet lumps of glue covered in glitter. Clarissa didn't explain shit. Scuffle in the alley. Veterinary anything is so expensive. I bet he's not half as smart as he seems. I could pee, or just fall asleep. That chap stick really did the trick. Hey, that rhymes. What if there was a snake in my bed? Jesus. I wonder if the butler has his own life. God I want to go to Coachella. Candy necklaces are disgusting in every way. 'Dollup' is a stupid word but I like it. What if college is pointless? His nipples certainly don't seem as sensitive as mine. I should be reading right now. I'm happy Jennifer Love-Hewitt isn't around anymore. I secretly want an iPad. Maybe no one actually likes me. No, they do. Savory is superior to sweet. Cat-Dog sucked. What if it fades away? I could easily go the rest of my life without seeing Mary Poppins again. Christmas was fun. Bologna. Having testicles seems so bizarre. My life would drastically improve if I were a genius. My life would drastically improve if I were a genius with testicles. Video games seem like such a waste of time. Goodbye Libra, hello Scorpio! Why punch somebody in the nose for no reason? Snow White, what a whore.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
facebookery
As you sit atop your grimy bed sheets wasting time in Facebook limbo, eating pizza bagels and occasionally rearranging the pillows behind your back, do you ever stop and ask yourself what the fuck you're doing? I hope so. I hope you exclaim it-- I know I do. However, my recent Facebook-creeping adventures have inspired slightly more insightful but equally time-consuming and fluffy thoughts.
Thoughts that will not only make you ashamed when you catch a glimpse of your reflection in the glistening grease of your pizza bagel, but they could also make you a slightly less judgmental voyeur.
If you're anything like me or many other creeps I know out there (let's not get into names, but you're probably one of them), you enjoy looking at the profiles of people you do not especially like. People from your high school class, for example. You know these people--maybe since the third grade, you know how they conduct themselves in classrooms and hallways, you know what kind of pants they wear and you can easily picture their worst haircut and their car full of other people you don't really care for. You can hear this person's shrill voice as your eyes scan their exclamation point-ridden status at the top of your news feed, and without thinking you give in to temptation and journey into the life they have so kindly put on display for you. You almost choke on your pizza bagel laughing at the photos they post: one after another after another of their weird party-like environments, usually somebody's kitchen with about four people in total attendance, arranging themselves and the fifths of blueberry Smirnoff about the frame to make the scene look as raging as possible. You scoff, you laugh, you call your buddies over to laugh with you at the photos, stati, and comments made by these people; these people whom you'll probably never talk to again, and you wouldn't want to. But still--the yearning! The yearning to look at them and laugh is undeniable, and plus what you do on your facebook is only between you and your pizza bagels--no shame in that. Or is there?
Maybe it's maturity slowly working itself into my life, or maybe I just feel like a bad person--either way, this ability to so easily access photo documentation of the private lives of those whom I love to hate is no longer as entertaining as it once was.
Honestly (cue Full House sentimental moment music), the smiling faces of these people are beginning to weaken my laughter and send my entire method of mockery into question. Whether it is all part of the "we're having fun and we want to convince you all of that through an entire facebook album"-scheme or not, they look happy. Who am I to laugh at the happiness of others? Or for that matter, the unhappiness of others-- the always entertaining series of break-up stati come to mind.
I suppose what I'm getting at here is that as facebook begins to take over the world, is it insecurity, or just the opposite driving driving duck-lipped girls to post numerous photos of themselves grabbing their own tits from slightly different angles? True, they very well may feel that it is necessary for them to draw attention to their bodies by way of trashy photos to boost their self-esteem, but is it possible they are simply having fun and don't care what people think of how they portray themselves in the world of social networking? If so, I'm rather jealous.
Thoughts that will not only make you ashamed when you catch a glimpse of your reflection in the glistening grease of your pizza bagel, but they could also make you a slightly less judgmental voyeur.
If you're anything like me or many other creeps I know out there (let's not get into names, but you're probably one of them), you enjoy looking at the profiles of people you do not especially like. People from your high school class, for example. You know these people--maybe since the third grade, you know how they conduct themselves in classrooms and hallways, you know what kind of pants they wear and you can easily picture their worst haircut and their car full of other people you don't really care for. You can hear this person's shrill voice as your eyes scan their exclamation point-ridden status at the top of your news feed, and without thinking you give in to temptation and journey into the life they have so kindly put on display for you. You almost choke on your pizza bagel laughing at the photos they post: one after another after another of their weird party-like environments, usually somebody's kitchen with about four people in total attendance, arranging themselves and the fifths of blueberry Smirnoff about the frame to make the scene look as raging as possible. You scoff, you laugh, you call your buddies over to laugh with you at the photos, stati, and comments made by these people; these people whom you'll probably never talk to again, and you wouldn't want to. But still--the yearning! The yearning to look at them and laugh is undeniable, and plus what you do on your facebook is only between you and your pizza bagels--no shame in that. Or is there?
Maybe it's maturity slowly working itself into my life, or maybe I just feel like a bad person--either way, this ability to so easily access photo documentation of the private lives of those whom I love to hate is no longer as entertaining as it once was.
Honestly (cue Full House sentimental moment music), the smiling faces of these people are beginning to weaken my laughter and send my entire method of mockery into question. Whether it is all part of the "we're having fun and we want to convince you all of that through an entire facebook album"-scheme or not, they look happy. Who am I to laugh at the happiness of others? Or for that matter, the unhappiness of others-- the always entertaining series of break-up stati come to mind.
I suppose what I'm getting at here is that as facebook begins to take over the world, is it insecurity, or just the opposite driving driving duck-lipped girls to post numerous photos of themselves grabbing their own tits from slightly different angles? True, they very well may feel that it is necessary for them to draw attention to their bodies by way of trashy photos to boost their self-esteem, but is it possible they are simply having fun and don't care what people think of how they portray themselves in the world of social networking? If so, I'm rather jealous.
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